but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
