Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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