Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You can't special order awesome
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
