So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
