Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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