Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
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I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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