i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
