just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
