I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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