getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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