im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
