First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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