Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
