This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
