aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
