i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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