Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
