I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
