If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
