I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
