why didn't you poke me back
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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