Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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