This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
