I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is my gift to your gina
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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