So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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