My sheets look like a crime scene.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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