What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
