Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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