Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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