Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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