maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
