i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
