I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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