I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
