i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
