i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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