Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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