You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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