I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
