I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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