So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
