Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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