Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
