Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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