i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
