I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
