you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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