I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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