I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So apparently I’m into choking now
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