I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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