is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
