hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
