hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Houston, we have a blender
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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