u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
