Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
