You smell like a Billy Joel song
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
