Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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