Her vagina should come with caution tape.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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