I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
