Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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