I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
