So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've blown a few things in my day
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
