May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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