She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
