i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
