Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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