If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
